106 and Parm (or, "what to cook when you hit triple digits)

That was a riff on BET's 106 and Park, but you already knew that. For whatever reason, when I was forced to finally cook in my 106 degree kitchen yesterday, that's what came to mind.

But seriously, my kitchen feels like Hades. The fridge and freezer are laboring to keep things sanitary, certainly no time for open-door efforts to brainstorm a meal. The "cold" water crock dispenses water suitable for properly brewed tea... it is NOT refreshing. The cats run in just long enough to eat a few token kibbles and lap up some water... then retreat to the hardwood floor and melt. I mean, look at this worthless sack of fur and gristle:

And no, there is no A/C, asshole. For 346 days out of the year, I laugh at that notion. Right now I laugh at my arrogance, yet again. Screw that, I'll kick it (Laura Ingalls) Wilder-style and find a sod home... I'm not buying an A/C.

Sorry, I'm a little worked up. Everyone's a little crazy from the heat, I've noticed. Panicking on one hand, yet also serene in a surrendering sort of way. This is not the Portland we know and love.

So a sweaty BBQ is to be attended, and you're tired of being a defeatist. It's summertime, and you can do a lot worse than some variation of a black bean and corn salad. Bad breath, you say? Look, it's 106 degrees out and everyone's ass is like an equatorial jungle... nobody should care about a little onion and garlic. So here's what I threw together for last night's beat-the-heat festivities:

(In a large mixing bowl)
3- limes- juiced
1- OG red onion-diced
6- OG garlic cloves- minced
3- Jalapeños and/or cayenne peppers from the garden- diced
1- red bell pepper- diced
1- yellow bell pepper- diced
2- medium vine tomato- diced.
4 tbsp- extra virgin olive oil (I used a Spanish variety)
1 tbsp- sea salt
3 shots- Crystal Hot Sauce
2 tbsp- dried chili powder blend
1 tbsp- smoked paprika
1 tsp- cumin
1tsp- cracked pepper
1 bunch fresh cilantro- minced

I let that mixture mingle while the oil and acidic lime juice unleashed all those aromatic flavors. After awhile, I added:

4 ears- grilled corn on the cob (kernels removed of course)
2 ears- raw corn on the cob (kernels removed)
2 cans- black beans
4- avocados- 3/4" cubes

Unfortunately, I forgot to get picture proof of its existence. I'll just tell you it was beautiful, fresh summer comfort food to make and eat on a ridiculously hot night. With some sturdy tortilla chips or even a fork, it all made sense. Perfect food for a hazy orange night. Some variation of this classic salad should be in your summer rotation, it's that dependable. So why aren't you making this right now?